A battlefield.
A small rural village, invaded by grotesque monsters rampaging through everything in their path.
There I was, in the middle of the chaos.
The creatures attacked the inhabitants, destroyed homes, and devoured livestock.
I couldn't do anything. I just stood there, motionless.
I watched as one of those monsters, with its multiple pairs of arms and mouths, tore a poor woman to pieces. I thought she was dead... until something fell on the monster and blew its head off.
A person dressed in white robes cautiously approached and squatted beside the woman. The person's face was... blurred.
A yellow screen floated over them, and then a warm beam of light enveloped the woman.
I could see the blood flowing back into her body. Her bones were repairing themselves, and new muscle tissue was growing over them.
It wasn't long before she opened her eyes, crying, confused.
What had just happened?
Doing my best to move, I slowly approached the person dressed in white.
I pushed forward, my legs shaking like I was wading through cement. My breath caught in my throat. Something about the way they moved... the shape of their face...
No. It couldn’t be.
But the closer I got, the harder my heart pounded. Faster. Louder. Until it felt like it might tear through my ribs.
...Mom?
There she was, dressed in a delicate white robe with gold decorations. Her face was as beautiful as I remembered her, but... she looked younger. Not the polished kind of younger you buy at a clinic. This was real. Twenty years gone, just like that.
I tried to speak, but I couldn't.
I tried to get a little closer, but at that moment, another monster appeared. Bigger. More menacing.
I wanted to scream, to warn her, but nothing came out. My legs refused to move. My fists clenched so hard my nails dug into my palms.
My mom looked at it in surprise and closed her eyes... but then something massive landed beside her. A wall of muscle and rage, wielding a warhammer the size of a car.
I recognized it immediately.
Dad.
There he was, at least two feet taller, with muscles that would put any bodybuilder to shame.
They were fine. They were alive.
I wanted to shout their names. To tell them I was here. That I had survived.
I wanted to tell them all about my tragedies in the alien wasteland. About the alien sludge. About Waldo.
But my voice was gone. Stolen. My mouth refused to open. My body trembled like a leaf in a hurricane.
My heart was pounding like crazy. I felt a giant knot in my stomach, and every corner of my body was shaking.
I tried to reach out and touch them... but just as I was about to, something pulled me back.
Everything went blurry and chaotic... and then, nothing.
I opened my eyes and found myself staring at the wonderful roof of my handmade house.
"Sir? Might I inquire as to your well-being? You have been… quite vocally distressed for the better part of several hours," Waldo asked me, sounding worried.
I stood up slowly, every joint in my body popping like a broken music box. I rubbed my temples before answering.
"I had a strange dream. My parents were in it." Love this story? Find the genuine version on the author's preferred platform and support their work!
I paused, the memory already starting to blur around the edges.
"Now that I think about it… my mother had taken the healer class, and my father was… a tanker."
Waldo tilted ever so slightly, as if leaning in with invisible curiosity.
“Curious indeed, sir. Might one consider it mere coincidence? Or perhaps… something more substantial, lurking beneath the surface of your weary mind?”
Waldo was right. It felt too real, too vivid to have been just a dream. Besides... it was the first time I'd dreamed about them since arriving in the alien wasteland.
I sighed, running a shaky hand through my hair.
"Waldo, I think the alien sludge finally scrambled my brain."
Waldo gave what I could only describe as a contemplative hum, despite having no mouth.
“If I may, sir, one might also attribute such effects to the unfortunate incident involving your cranial rupture. Though, of course, I am but a humble observer.”
I pushed the thought aside. There was too much to do, and dwelling on it wouldn’t change a damn thing.
"Okay, Waldo. Time to get to work."
Step one: Heal my energy veins so I could actually use aura again.
Step two: Expand the house. Maybe add a bathroom. A sewer system would be nice. Luxury Living: Wasteland Edition.
Step three: Hunt more beasts and, for the love of sanity, finally make some underwear.
Naked martial artist was not the legacy I wanted to leave behind.
I stopped there. Any more steps and I was pretty sure my brain would stage a second escape attempt.
To avoid boring you with the grind, here’s the short version of my new routine.
First, I invented a revolutionary system for tracking time: counting seconds.
Okay… fine. It already existed. Sue me.
Besides, I had no idea if I was counting them correctly.
But according to my definitely accurate and not-at-all made-up math, a full day here lasted about thirty-seven hours.
Twenty-three hours of scorching suns. Fourteen hours of black night illuminated by the moon-sextet.
Absolute paradise.
In the mornings, I would devote several masochistic hours trying to heal my energy veins.
Damn, I can't describe how much that hurt. It was the kind of pain that made you question your life choices, and even regretting being born.
I'm ashamed to admit it... but I think somewhere along the way, I started to enjoy the pain a little.
In my defense, it was either that or go fully insane. You get me, right?
...Right?
After my daily suffering session, I moved on to my second favorite activity: rock hoarding.
I suspected Waldo was getting jealous seeing me handling so many other rocks, but he always flatly denied it. Classic Waldo.
I soon scraped together enough to plan the house's first expansion: a living room.
It "only" took me a couple of weeks to build. Between the daily vein torture and the constant fatigue I'd felt since the unfortunate "skydiving without parachute" accident, working wasn't exactly my strong suit.
"Look at this marvel, Waldo. A living room all to ourselves. Man, I'd kill for a TV and Netflix."
Waldo let out a long, low whistle.
“But of course, sir. This magnificent chamber stands as a testament to your peerless craftsmanship and unwavering dedication. I offer my most sincere congratulations. I shall await the next expansion with bated breath.”
I also wanted to get out and explore more of the alien wasteland, but I wouldn't last a day in my current state.
Though I still ventured out within a "safe" zone.
I found more pools of black elixir, more stones. And to my surprise... more stones.
Crazy, right? Out of so many stones, Waldo chose me. I felt truly lucky.
"You know, Waldo, it's a blessing to have you with me. I think if you weren't here, I'd be crazy."
Waldo smiled at me with his nonexistent mouth.
"Of course, sir. I'll always be here for you whenever you need to talk, vent, or just for some quiet company. You can count on me in any situation."
What good news. It filled me with joy.
Knowing you have company even in the worst of situations was certainly comforting.
Well, it was time for the next expansion: a bathroom. With sewers, of course. While using the wasteland as a bathroom was fun, I thought I should civilize myself a little. I didn't want to be a feral animal, yet. That would come later.
In short, two months, hundreds of stones hitting my feet, nails coming out from digging holes, thousands of curses from me and encouragement from Waldo, I finished the bathroom.
And to my absolute delight, the test drive was successful.
There was just one problem: every few months I'd have to empty the pit where all my waste went, but that would be a problem for future Keegan.
Waldo clapped his imaginary hands with exaggerated enthusiasm.
“A marvel of engineering, sir. Truly. Might I inquire what grand endeavor comes next in your illustrious master plan?”
I gave the toilet a quick tap to make sure it wouldn’t collapse under pressure. Then I leaned back and considered Waldo’s words.
"Well, I think we are done with the house expansions for now. My energy veins are still a beautiful wreck, so that'll take a few more months to heal. I think it's time to enjoy the house and relax for once."
Waldo hummed in approval.
“An excellent choice, sir. A rest most deserved.”
Indeed, Waldo. Indeed.
Before kicking back, I decided to head outside for a final inspection. A victory lap, if you will. I stepped out and took a long, proud look at my creation.
Ah, how beautiful. Hand-built by yours truly.
"Well, time to res—"
I froze.
Something in the distance caught my eye.
A shape. Moving toward me.
Four legs. Six arms.
And the strangest part...
That thing was wearing clothes.